Not enough time

As I'm sitting here smoking the last of my morning bowl,

I can hear my daughter giggling while eating breakfast.

My younger son in his room playing video games.

And not a peep from the teenager (it's still too early *insert eye roll*)

The house is fairly quite,

Which is a nice change of pace from the tension that sweeps through the halls usually. 

I have to close tonight at work,

And tomorrow, and the next day.

I love my job, I love the people I work with.

I just miss having time to take the kids to do things.

I miss random trips to the mountains, or the river.

The kids don't mind going to work with me,

They get to play or earn money. 

I just miss that quality time.

I've had to take up as many hours as work will allow me,

With all these life changes, I've had to take more financial responsibility. 

Isn't it crazy how major life changes just kinda smack you in the face?

While I feel like my life is falling apart,

I also feel like it's coming together. 

"Well Katie, when one door closes, another opens."

How cliché is that?

The universe knew...

Saw me struggling in my career, my relationships, my addictions.

And while my mental health is literal shit right now,

I somehow know that everything is going to work out. 

The stars will align in my favor.

I've started to use my voice,

And it feels good to be heard.

For so long, I have felt the need to hold back, bite my tongue.

Years and years of abuse and trauma will kinda do that to you.

Make you feel like you're walking on eggshells,

With everyone.

And while that eggshell feeling hasn't completely diminished,

I'm getting better at stomping on them so I can be heard. 

Which has proven to be beneficial,

With work, with the kids, and friends. 

I know that there is so much more work to do,

To heal my heart, to mend my soul.

I'm only a small percentage of the way there. 

But each day is a step closer in the right direction. 

Now it's time for me to go wake the teenager and hang with the kids before work.

XOXO KitKat